Children Are a Blessing!

Cameron & Austin
Seattle, 2011

How do I begin to express my thoughts and feelings about my children? I am simultaneously filled with joy, anger, pride, disappointment, hopes, and fears. But most of all, I am filled with a love that knows no boundaries. Being a parent means we love as God loves us - unconditionally.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had few maternal longings, to the point where I wondered if I would ever want be a mom. My friends were getting married and having children, and I often felt out-of-sync with them. For a while, some of my friends and I drifted apart because we were on such different paths - theirs were lined with dirty diapers, runny noses and sleepless nights, and mine were filled with work and overtime. Sometimes, it seemed our conversations suffered because we were speaking such different languages. I failed to understand the triumphs a parent felt with each of their children's milestones. Really? Your baby is able to hold their head without bobbing it like a rocker listening to an 80's hair band? I didn't realize that was such a big deal. Oh, wow! He's starting to crawl - everywhere! Isn't that sweet? My contributions to our discussions were typically about the pressures of my job, or activities in which I was involved - in short, it was all about ME. Glazed eyes were typical on both sides of the conversation and those deep, "girl-talks" were rare.

Big brother, Cameron, listens to the heartbeat
of his new brother, Austin.

 In my late twenties, everything changed. I was married, and I was overwhelmed with the desire to be a mom. Our first son was born when I was almost thirty, and our second son was born three years later. People try to explain what it's like to be a parent, but you really have no idea until you become one, yourself. I finally understood why all of these milestones were so important, and why they were celebrated and documented - ad nauseam. I understood why a lioness would rage against anyone who dared threaten her offspring and how a mother bear could give her life to save her cubs. These instincts were so basic, so feral, that not sacrificing ourselves was never a thought.

Silly, silly boys! Cameron has "slime" dripping from his
fingers, while Austin is decorated with face paint.

Our sons have brought so much joy to our lives. We are not perfect parents, but our kids often make it seem like we are. Tim and I have worked hard to create relationships with our kids that are honest and respectful. They both know we are here to support them, even when they make mistakes. They come to us when they're struggling so we can work together to help them find ways to overcome their struggles. We try to stand back and let them advocate for themselves; to recognize what they need, then ask for it. Most of the disappointments I have felt are not because they have failed, but because I have done so. When I do fail, I remind them that I am learning to be a parent, and I ask for their forgiveness.

Brotherly love.

Parents have so many hopes and dreams for their children and these are offset by our fears of all of the obstacles that can cause them to fall, fail, hurt... or worse. When they are young, we encourage our children to climb to the top of the "big slide", yet, we stay close enough to catch them if they should fall. We cheer for them when they are successful, and dry their tears and bandage their hands and knees when they topple. Either way, we want them to try, again - to repeat their earlier success, or to experience success for the first time. This process is repeated over, and over, as they get older, except the consequences of their failures are bigger. Our hope is that they have learned through the years that success isn't a given. Sometimes, we learn more from our mistakes and failures than we do when success is easy, and those lessons often prevent us from making worse 

mistakes in the future. 

Austin & Cameron
Seattle Arboretum, 2011 

Each choice our boys have made, has brought them to where they are in their lives, right now. Determination, tenacity, problem-solving, creativity, honesty, and leadership are traits our boys have developed through their successes and their failures. We are proud of the young men they are becoming and we are confident they will be able handle any obstacle they might have to face in the future.